I only have two at this point but sometimes when I meet people for the first time I see their expressions change when I jest about being a cat lady. Two is a good number – not too much poop to scoop and they play together. I can also leave them on their own for days at a time and they don’t die. They both make me laugh and I talk to them. I do not however dress them in outfits or post videos of them on YouTube. Pictures on Facebook but no videos. Yet. It’s just nice to have someone to chat with. And they always agree with me. And love me more than anyone else. Which is only because I feed them but whatever – I’ll take what I can get.

The cat thing was a slippery slope for sure. It is a clear and present danger of the single lady lifestyle. At first I got this older needy cat who just wanted to cuddle all the time…and I do mean all the time. There were no boundaries. I had to do some business in the bathroom – cat sat on my lap. It was when he started urinating on everything that he had to go. Before he really went to town tinkling on all my belongings, I got him a kitten to play with because I thought he was lonely. The kitten was super fun and is even better now that he’s mellowed into a fat, lazy adult. I’m not going to tell you how I got rid of the first cat because I think it’s probably one of the worst things I’ve ever done. That being said you now probably think I did something illegal which is not the case however I’m still not proud and don’t want to write about it. So now I had the kitten plus my boyfriend at the time had a cat. My boyfriend being irresponsible and an idiot (which is why he subsequently became my ex-boyfriend) didn’t have housing he could move to that allowed pets. So his cat came to live with me and my kitty. In the meantime though there was this little stray that someone had dumped and he was really sweet and manipulative. So I took him home as well. Three cats was the real low point. Luckily loser ex finally got a place which allowed animals and took his back. I felt bad as that cat really enjoyed playing with the other two and I thought the four of us had a nice rhythm going. I do think it infringed on my dating life though when I opened my mouth about three cats. Zero is best, one is to be expected with women of a certain age, two might make sense for socialization purposes but three is just…unacceptable.

Just get a dog – at least then you’ll have to get out of the house and walk it. The exercise will prevent you from experiencing other dangers such as I weigh as much as an eighteen wheeler and I may be an agoraphobe. No one ever gets called a dog lady.


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