Imbalance

I’ve been having a hard time coming up with a label for what I more affectionately refer to as me making really ridiculous/bad/reckless decisions that I am sure would be different if I had 1 – a sounding board and 2 – a presence other than cats consistently observing my lifestyle. Short of hiring a life coach though I’m plagued by this imbalance business. I thought that was a good way to sum it up. It’s ironic as the thing that first brought me to WordPress and blog writing was my decision to pursue a liquid diet/detox of sorts. I wanted to create a blog to follow my miraculous outcomes from pursuing a vegan lifestyle. After one too many documentaries, I decided it would be a brilliant idea to clean out my refrigerator so I could stock it full of fruits and veggies. I then proceeded to embark on a 7-day juice fast. I’m sure you can already guess how well that turned out. First I thought I could make juice by just shoving everything into a food processor. For the record that doesn’t work. So I went out and bought a fancy juicer (which I later returned). I made it through 1.25 days of fasting. No wait – if memory serves me I made it through three juices and then went to a party where I loaded up on cake and veggie sandwiches. I still remember how unbelievable the veggie sandwiches tasted. That night I had nightmares about juice and the next day decided to chuck the whole venture. I attempted to create some meals with all the fruits/veggies stashed away but as often happens around my house, I threw out a bunch of food in various stages of decomposition.

This is but one of the fantastically stupid ideas that I’ve had while sitting around my house unattended. I was initially going to label this danger ‘diet’ as it seems I am particularly irresponsible with food however I make bad decisions in all aspects of my life – why limit myself. To continue on the ‘diet’ theme though, people who know me well can usually guess what I am eating on any particular occasion. If you’re not one of the lucky few in the inner circle, let me break it down for you:

Meals I can make for myself:

  • Spaghetti with tomato sauce, frozen garlic bread
  • Stir-fry…kind of
  • Grilled chicken/salmon in the George Foreman
  • Salad
  • Vegetarian chili in the crockpot with cornbread
  • Corn on the cob

Those are the meals reserved for the nights when I cook. If I’m being honest, that happens about once or twice a week. Otherwise I am too tired/lazy to come up with something so return to one of my defaults:

  • Double stuf oreos with milk
  • Ice cream (Graeter’s Black Raspberry chocolate chip… AMAZING!!!)
  • Ghiradelli dark chocolate sea salt caramels
  • Peppermint or caramel mocha (but caffeine makes my heart race so try to limit at night)
  • Red gatorade

More often than not it’s oreos for dinner. I feel better having the milk too. For those of you already up in arms as I’m technically lactose intolerant, rest assured – it’s lactose free milk.

I realize for a lot of reasons this is not exactly a balanced diet. In case you’re wondering what I eat for lunch and breakfast, that can be summed up in three words: peanut butter sandwiches. So I’m probably missing out on some vital nutrients which is why I’m making an effort to better plan ahead on meals and be a teensy bit less lazy in food preparation. In the past when I was in relationships and/or living with people, I distinctly remember eating a larger variety of food and frankly eating better food. Probably that partially had to do with the fact that these other people knew how to cook. There’s also something to be said for not wanting to face your roommate’s judgy face when you decide to eat oreos and milk in your bed for the fourth day in a row.

Just so you don’t think poor eating is my only vice, I must say that Hulu/Netflix are two of the best/worst things that have happened to me as a single girl, especially Hulu. Problem is when I find a new show that I like, I watch it obsessively ignoring other responsibilities and social obligations. (My lawn hasn’t been mowed since…nope can’t remember. Only reason it got done was I begged my gay husband to do it – more on him later.) Recently I started watching Grimm and could not tear myself away. I’m not a great TV watcher – I can’t sit still but if I have something to work on while I watch I can go ten or twelve hours straight. Which is exactly what I did. I’m all caught up now and am waiting for the next real live episode. Before that it was Downton Abbey…anyone who has watched that can tell you how truly nerdy that obsession is…

Also scratch vegetarian chili off the list of items I can make. That’s what I made for dinner and it’s gross. I screwed something up and all I had to do was dump stuff into a crockpot. Seriously.

I guess the moral of the story is if you drive by my house and see a perfectly manicured lawn paired with smells of a delicious feast, call the cops as I have most certainly been taken hostage. Also that it might be a good idea for me to get out more. And learn how to cook.

“Every pan is a no-stick pan if you no-cook in it” – the birthday card my sister sent me last year

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